GPS Please

     That's right...I know that this is food, I think to myself. 
     "Yes of course it is."
I say smiling back at the man. 
     I begin to eat the food that was provided to me and it was very delicious.  While I was eating the man decided to walk out the room for a short time.  And as if he knew when I would be finished he walked back in.
     "Seems to me I came right on time."
The man says.
     "And not a moment too late the doctor is already ready to see you.  The man then walks over to me and the last thing I remember is him placing his hand on my forehead.
      Now once again I find myself in a strange room alone.  But this time the room is all dark except for the light that was shining brightly on my face.
"I'm sorry about your rough night ..but did you enjoy your breakfast?"" A voice that sounded like a man asked.
     "Um yeah I did like the food but um, who are you and what's this rough night I'm hearing about?"  I ask.  Still trying to see who it was that was talking to me with great strain.
     "Hmm interesting.  So you have no recollection of what transpired last night?  Well in that case do you know where you are currently?" The man asked me.
     "Umm...a dungeon or something?" I replied.
     "Well to some it is but in reality it really isn't. " He said.
     I could hear footsteps and the bright light that was on my face was turned off.  Then more bright light came upon me as what sounds like curtains were being moved.
     "Now can you tell me where you are now?"
     The man asked.

S-S-Sylvia Who?

     I just woke up with a splitting headache.  At least I  assume I just woken up.  The last thing I remember is writing in some bad makeshift of a notebook...What was I writing about?  And I must have fallen asleep since I just opened my eyes.
     Ugh the more I force myself to remember the worse this headache gets.  Maybe it was all just a bad dream?  Yeah that's it,  it all was a bad dream.  Someone walks in.  A man, they walk into this room I just noticed I was in.  I stare at him.  He just smiles back while holding a tray.
     "Sylvia this is for you.  The Doc knows about your rough night last night and suggested we bring you something comforting to help."  I look down at the tray.  Whatever it was he brought to me on behalf of this Doc person was covered up.  I look back up to him.
     "Who is S-s-Sylvia and what rough night?" I ask.
     The man's eyes begin to widen then they changed into something sad.  He shakes his head and says,
     "You poor poor dear.  It's worse than I thought.   I'm going to have to notify the Doc.  But until then eat up. "
     With that being said he lifted up the covering and my mouth began to water.  Before me were these brown fluffy looking things and next to them on the plate were weird shape yellow things with some white.  In a small container there was a slow brown moving liquid.  Then in a bigger container a goldish orange color liquid.  The smells were unbelivable.
     I look back up to see if I could tell by his face what it was I was suppose to do with these things.  After a minute passed the man slowly told me I can eat it.  He did some strange hand gesture like he was putting something in his mouth and chewing it.
     "Sylvia come on now.   You know what this is right?  Food?...Stuff that you eat?" He asks.

Wondering Thoughts

     I dont like being watched...let alone having the feeling that I am constantly being watched by "big brother" if you permit me to say.  The last I checked,  I was not in jail, prison, a half way house, or a psych ward.        

     The last I checked I was a free individual who pays taxes, goes to work so she can pay taxes and other bills and personal needs, and is told at least once every week that she should go back to school and make sure she stays in church.

     But how long ago was it that I checked my freedom?  Come to think of it now the things I just said doesn't really seem like I am free.  Being told and forced to go to work to pay taxes...taxes on things that sometimes doesn't always concern me because I rarely see good results from them. 

     I know the money is suppose to go for things in the government like fixing streets, building parks for the kids in the local community,  funds for cures like Aids and cancer.   But why do I get the feeling that its not happening as much as it really should?...

Eminem - Guts Over Fear ft. Sia

REAL TALK: I FEEL THE ENTIRETY OF THIS SONG.

Worth Dying For - Destroy - Lyrics Video

Staying Focus

Had a dream last night and woke up this morning asking God what it was about. He broke it down saying it meant that I need to stay in His covering. Just stay in His covering by staying focused, for me to just not lose focus.

            And that’s what I want to do. I want to stay focus on you. And I ain’t doing it just for you, I’m doing it for me which means I’m doing it for we, us, both, the two of us. Walking and conversing in a glorious, harmonious of unity. Never letting anything come in between you and me.

Never going to follow the lie again of being with a man or being with my earthly best of friends; being better than spending time with my heavenly daddy.

The author of life’s chapters, the soul glorious awesome creator of the heavens and the earth. The only one who could imagine this thing we call the universe. Who are the ones that we say “discovered” gravity and the Americas? Well they may have “discovered it” but they show didn’t create them.

We as humans sadly are so quick to give credit and praises to men and women, but when it comes to the actual one who made it possible we get real   quiet.

And I say we because like many, I am guilty of this tragedy. But thanks to the awesome plan of Yahwey, the Heavenly Father, the ultimate God Father, of sending his only son to take our place on the judgment seat for our wicked ways, we can certainly do better.

 Yes many many years ago when Jesus was walking around as a full blown human, going through the same things that we all do with life tragedies, blessings, and tempting, he stood his ground. Showing us that we too can overcome.

But besides just going through things we still go through, he went to a place that we don’t have to go to. Yeah that’s right the place we candidly say to others like “go to hell” or “I’m going to hell and I will see you there.” Well the Savior of this world really went there. But he didn’t stay no he came from out of the grave, away from the physical dead, and he wasn’t like a zombie, looking for prey. No instead he looked glorious, making me wish I was there when he came back the third day so I could be just around his holy ambience.

But anyways, I’m a little off topic, my actual topic was about staying focus. Staying focus on Him by doing things constantly that is pleasing to Him.

“Well LaShawndra”, some may ask, “of course God don’t expect you to be on your knees praying to Him every dang day. He knows your life is busy, he still going to love you, why would he judge you?”  I can only say “let’s take it to the father and look in His holy scriptures. The big book of answers for life’s questions.”                1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

                        “Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time, thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.”

            To me, there’s the answer right there. He does want us to pray to Him, and it’s all the time. But remember it doesn’t have to be this deep elaborate prayer in fact He gave us a blue print of how we can do it. He says in Matthew chapter 6 verses 5 through13:

                        “And when you come before God, don’t turn that into a theatrical production either. All these people making a regular show out of their prayers, hoping for stardom. Do you think God sits in a box seat? Here’s what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense His grace. The world is so full of so called prayer warriors who are prayer ignorant. They’re full of formulas and programs and active, peddling techniques of getting what you want from God. Don’t fall for that nonsense. This is your father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need with a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply like this:

                        Our Father in Heaven

                        Reveal who you are.

                        Set the world right;

                        Do what’s best

                        As above, so below

                        Keep us alive with three square meals

                        Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others

                        Keep us safe from ourselves and the devil

                        You’re in charge!

                        You can do anything you want!

                        You’re ablaze in beauty:

            See like I said, praying is totally easy. But staying focus aint always easy, that’s why staying prayed up, getting His words in us every day, and communicating with other brother and sisters is essential to keep us following those Holy principles which in turn lets us stay focus on The Christ.

            And remember this “prayer thing” is something that He wants us to do every day. 

Snowy Dreams

Snowy Dreams

As the music falls swiftly between the seats and around the two figures in the back seat, steam begins to place itself on the windows. The comfort of warmth makes its presence known subtly to its enchanters. Small noises are magnified, as the simple pleasurable sounds are made; the soft sound of clothes touching, the sound of moving bodies on the fake leather material. The sound of breathing depicting a picture for those who cannot or simply do not wish to see such a sight of art be created, lets the audience know when things are slowing down and when things are picking up.

The brightness from the sun is magnified and scattered by the elegant snow that is the earth's blanket; causing an illuminated glow of some kind. Smiley kisses are exchanged constantly and passionately between the two. Happy memories were being created. Just the two of them in a cold winter land snuggled together in the back seat of a little car, adding even more closeness.

 They could barely see out since the snow covered the windows pretty good, and what wasn't covered by the snow, the steam covered the rest. The music created an atmosphere that really could only be experienced in stories and movies. Gazing into each other's eyes, they programmed in their minds that they would be different from all the rest. They knew that what they found was love, what they found was true happiness...

The couple couldn't wait to tell the mysterious man they met a few weeks ago what they discovered. For they were told by this mysterious man, that if they discovered the truth about themselves from each other, they would live a happy life, but if they didn't heartache would greet them in their life.  After sleeping for a couple of hours, they got out the car and went inside the house to clean up and then walked to the park that was nearby to meet the mysterious man at the designated spot.

 When they arrived, the man was already there, waiting and smiling. The couple held hands and walked even quicker smiling along the way. The man spoke saying "I see that you have your answer. Now before you two speak, make sure that the words you are going to use for your answer, are really what you want to say. You had time to think about this, but I want to give you one last chance. So let me know when you are ready." The couple looked at one another, then back at the man smiling. The young man said, "We're ready to answer." "So..."the mysterious man said, "What truth did you discover about yourself from one another?"

     "Well..." the young man began, "We learned that we were meant for each other. That we have differences just like everyone else, but we can work through them. We can help each other, by being the strength in the areas where we are weak in. And we both been hurt before, so we know how to actually love and listen to one another and work as a team." The couple stood there smiling, squeezing each other's hand while the mysterious man smiled at them kindly, eyes barely open. A few moments went by as the three stood there in the park while heavy snow flakes gently landed on them and around them.

     Then the mysterious man spoke. "Your answer was a good one, a very good one; however I am not pleased to tell you that your good answer was not the right answer." The couple's smile drifted away and their hands separated.

     "What do you mean it wasn't good enough?" The young man said with tension in his voice. "What possibly else could I have said?!" "That's exactly my point young man.", the older gentleman said. "You did all the talking, never once did you let the young woman speak, who clearly had words she would have liked to say on her own. But never once did you let her have a chance.     

     You spoke of being a team, but I wonder what definitions you two have for such a word. Young man, you said that both of you have been hurt, so you know how to love. In what ways have you been hurt and how have you healed, if at all, from that hurt? You also said that you have differences like everyone else, but you will get through them. In what ways do you mean by "get through"? Does that mean you will support her in her differences and she would the same? Or does that mean that one of you will have to cease doing what the other does not tolerate, and start doing something the other loves doing?

      In the past relationships you have encountered, someone has hurt you, before you could even suspect it. So in this relationship you tried having the final say so. But if the decision that you made was wrong, you will shift the blame from yourself and give it to her or someone or something else. You expect for her to no longer do what she does that you do not like, but when it comes to you doing something she doesn't like she must deal with it, and accept you for the way you are since you never were really accepted for who you were by others.

     You also have an anger problem, no doubt which you probably learned from your father, who you hate with a passion for what he did to you, your brother, and your mother. And it angers you if even a trace of your father is around in any form.

     "Hold on just a second old man!" the young man said. "Now why are you getting on my case?” he pointed to himself and then to the young woman, "What about her?! She isn't Miss. Perfect you know! I had to go through a crap load with her. Why don't you start hounding her on her imperfections? She can take it."

     "You are right my son" the older man said. "My dear, come here and stand in front of me." The young woman walked from the young man and walked to the spot the older man spoke of, and the old man said to her, "In your heart, you say that you love this man. That you would do anything to make him happy. But in your mind, you have doubt; you think that you could have someone better than him. You think that if you go through with being with him that it would wreck your chances of experiencing your dreams, of doing what you want to do.

      Yes you have been hurt before. By men who abused you by taking advantage of you, and causing you to be always submissive. You haven't completely healed from that, but you have learned how to love in a different way. Instead of being concerned about the person that you are in a relationship with, you have flipped the script and now you play the possessive submissive. You say that you are concerned about the young man's needs, but you know and I know that is not entirely true. You were the one in the relationship, who actually wanted to take it to the level you just experienced moments prior to this meeting. He did not, but you insisted by using your charm and your so called “innocence”, to have him think that he really wanted to do it, but he wanted to be nice for your case, and in doing so, he would be rewarded for such honor by having the honor to be with you."

     The young woman was red in the face and speechless, as well as the young man who looked from the older man to the young woman, and became very angry. "So all that this geezer is saying is true huh?! Is that what you really think?! Well answer me!!" the young man said with his hands in fists and a vein popping from his neck as he moved closer to the young woman. The young woman backed away with her hands over her mouth, tears streaming down her face.

     "Oh so you're crying now huh? I take that as a yes then, you Trick!! Well you know what...? The joke is all on you because I was actually thinking the same thing, but unlike you, I was doing something about it. I figured that we probably wouldn't last, since you act too innocent for your own good, so I started seeing other people. I already did it with them, but I just didn't want to get you pregnant, because the less child support the better. And I knew that you would want me to be with you forever if you were knocked up and I sure as Heck didn't want that.  

     My god, if it wasn't for this old guy, I would have made a horrible mistake believing all those lies." The young man, after speaking, then turned to the older man, looked at him with a serious grim look and said, “Thanks you old man, I could have really jacked myself up being with that." he said while pointing at the young woman who was still in a frozen state.

      He walked over to her took her hand, and pulled the engagement ring off her finger. "Consider this your two week notice to get your crap out of my apartment and get the heck away from me." he said then walked away as tears began to blur his vision. The young woman’s legs couldn't support her anymore and soon she found herself sitting in the snow stunned with tears streaming down her face like the river that she was close to that didn't freeze all the way yet.